i remember working in the harvard square t station selling clothes from a cart. a lonely job it was, rarely sold anything. the pit punks at the top of the escalator threw a trash can down on me once when i was reading the paper. i was so glad to land that job, homeless and depressed, eating doughnuts out of the duncan doughnuts dumpster and leftover chicken the guys from popeye’s would save for me when they closed. i felt so useless. not even worthy of that job. how did i ever dig myself out of that hole? how does that experience inform me now? depression repels people. maybe it scares them. depression is a private, personal hell. since i was not a threat to others, i was allowed to rot on my own, slowly becoming invisible as people turned away. i hid from the friends i had left, ashamed and not wanting to inflict my misery on them. somehow i deserved this and they didn’t. that is how it was. no one would say i was crazy. i was honest. i was not mean. still i became progressively unemployable i think because people were uncomfortable to be around me. even then i could see my peers getting better jobs and progressing in their lives while i remained behind, stuck and broken. depression is a shameful problem. it is seen as a personal weakness rather than a real disability. even if it is seen as a real disability it is creepy- something is wrong with my brain- hard to keep your eye on a brain, hard to understand something you can’t see.
my friend janet gave me a van for my project- 1985 gmc safari cargo van. it had been sitting for 2 years with a day of driving in between. v6 with a carbeurator, automatic. the air conditioning doesn’t work, the power locks and windows are both out, and one of the back windows is shattered. i am up for a challenge!
so here is an approximate parts cost talley for the van so far-
valve cover gaskets: $20
locking gas cap: $8 (i just wanted one)
miscellaneous vacuum stuff: $15
air filter: $6
fuel filter: $2
rtv sealant: $3
5 quarts of oil: $15
oil filter: $4
1 gallon antifreeze: $12
piece of fuel line: $4
battery: $70
barryman’s b12: $3
degreaser: $3
manual choke: $10
exhaust stud kit: $4
i also had to get an oil filter wrench- $3, a set of ignition wrenches- $15, a set of easy-outs- $10, a multi-purpose funnel- $2
i have replaced the filters, surface cleaned and unplugged the carbeurator, replaced the driver’s side valve cover gasket twice, changed the fluids, replaced 2 out of 3 driver side manifold to exhaust studs (thanks for the help, ken!) but i still have to get the last one out. i took a copy of the veci sticker and drew a diagram of the actual hoses and components on the van, and discovered that the pcv valve, egr valve, and efe valve are not functioning. worked on the pcv valve today, hooking it back up to the carb. i think that the head is clogged from it not being hooked up to vacuum.
with high hopes i headed off for oklahoma city (from norman, 25? miles away) made it to moore (halfway there) when a lady at a stop light flagged me, yelling fire! i pulled in to taco bueno and sure enough, oil was once again leaking from the gasket, and had indeed caught fire on the efe valve. oh yeah, i bought a fire extinguisher for $20. works great, put the fire right out. so i ate lunch and headed back home. back in town i hit a series of stoplights and the oil light started to peek on. i pulled over and turned the van off. that is when it dumped its oil. put 4 quarts of oil in (probably 1 too many) waited a bit for it to cool down and limped it home, this time with the engine cover off. it now makes a nice little knocking sound, spaced out by about a second when idling, and speeding up to a clock like ticking when driving. there is some scorching in the engine compartment from the fire, but nothing too bad as far as that goes. i think the fire burned the valve cover gasket. there has been oil standing on the head when i took the cover off and quite a bit of sludge in there.
i have so far spent maybe a weeks’ worth of time on it, including waiting for things to soak, cool and dry. this has been spread out greatly because of the relentless array of rain storms that have been happening.